Crappy Guys I Dated So You’ll Never Have To: A Retrospective

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Thank me later.

So after the unforeseen success of my previous post, it seems that I may have more sage wisdom to offer than I – or any of you – thought I did. Hooray! In all seriousness, though, I started to get to thinking about what else could be considered an area where I have expertise. And then it hit me: guys you should never date. Why is that my area of expertise? BECAUSE I HAVE DATED BASICALLY ALL OF THEM.*

OK, so maybe that’s not really true. But I do have some comically bad relationship stories – only comical now that some time has passed, so I may look back and wince at a mental slideshow of poor judgment call after poor judgment call.

And so, dear readers, I pass my infinite 23-year-old wisdom down to you. May you never be dumped in a Myspace message while you’re broken out in hives all over your body (hahahaha just kidding, you guys don’t have Myspace). Continue reading →

You are not above working at Starbucks.

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I turned 23 last Friday, which means it’s been almost a full year since I graduated from college. It doesn’t seem like it’s been that long – probably at least half due to the fact that it took me four months post-graduation to find a job. I thought I was doing everything right. I didn’t understand why success wasn’t just falling at my feet. Of everything I read and everyone I spoke to, nobody bothered to give me the big piece of advice that could have pushed me in the right direction:

You are not above working at Starbucks.

What does that mean? It means that I was willing to do anything to succeed – except swallow my pride. Let me tell you a story. Continue reading →

Some stuff I cooked and then ate, come look at it (Four cheese mushrooms)

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As you may know (if you’ve come here more than once), I eat like crap. I took a healthy recipe and went out of my way to make it unhealthy. I eat entire appetizer orders of fried pickles dipped in ranch BY MYSELF. Side note: if you’ve never had a fried pickle and you’re not currently worried about the state of your arteries, go try some. OMG. Continue reading →